True giving happens when you are overflowing from the inside, and cannot help but share. When there is so much love within you that it has to flow to others or you would burst open. There is no thinking involved, no willpower in such sharing. It just flows out. If you have to force yourself to be kind, to love, to feel compassion, you've missed the first step of filling in your own Self with these emotions.

I've lately realized that I've been searching for outside validation of myself for at least the last 34 years :)

I've also learned in the past few weeks that it doesn't do for me to look to someone else to fill that "hole" in my heart. Because even if I do find someone that can make me feel good from the outside... it will only cause me to crave it more... and eventually destroy whatever relationship I may have with them... because there is no way that a mere HUMAN can keep up with my needs... therefore it will just cause them to burn out.

I've found that I've always waited for someone on the outside to fill that void... but no one can do that for me. I have to love myself... I have to let GOD love me... and when God loves me the love will just flow from my soul.

I am now aware that I would get a charge from having someone turn my way, whether I was interested in them or not... it was like a drug... and I was addicted... so now, I'm quitting my habit. I just hope it's not too late.

Love you guys